Tag Archives: funny

Surfing Wood

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Whoa!.”

What’s the most surreal experience you’ve ever had?

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This post is one that some will not agree with. Some will not condone the circumstances in which this story came about. I ask anyone reading to do so with an open mind, and remember that everyone is free to learn and live as they please.

The location was the scene of a boys holiday to the white isle. Ibiza, peak weather, prime time for headliners and the best bunch of mates a guy could ask for. One week. We had one week away fro reality and one week to make the most of it.

Tuesdays brought a unique all day experience. Pucka up boat cruises ran from the marina in San Antonio for 3-4 hours. Lots of great music, great people and alcohol. Oh yea, there was also water and waves. This is a key thing to remember.

We stood at the back of the boat, onto of what I think was two very large fridges. We were in line with the DJ, dancing over the packed crowd. The same crowd that after sun down would all descend on one of the biggest nights in Ibiza.

I don’t know what time we arrived at Space. Dubfire were playing, i remember that much. We had plenty of pre drinks on the boat party for the last four hours, and the atmosphere and general mood was one of the best I can remember. We were buzzing, the holidays was approaching its very peak.

We like 90% of the club, couldn’t accept the €15 per Budweiser, or €20 per vodka priceless. Not when something stronger was gong for €10. Bottles of water were €10 as well.

Dubfire were approaching the end of their set, “Emissions” was playing. Most of the our group were already €10 lighter, as was their legs and levels of consciousness. Emissions was bang in the middle, that really good bit that makes your feet go.

I looked up to admire the DJ, but all I seen was the floor, a wooden floor, roaring towards me like a wave. So I jumped, turned side on, put my hands to either side, and began to surf. I genuinely rode those waves like a pro. Then they seemed to settle and the volume of the crowd shot up, as if the DJ controlled them with his set of Pioneers.

Carl Cox began his set. It was a thing of beauty.

We all danced, two stepped, moved forward moved back. One of the boys was being held up by two girls we had met a few nights before, and they were found it as hilarious as he did. One of the boys came right up into my face, he looked straight at me, he appeared totally sober. Then he touched my side and said “Tig”. He ran off.. into the crowd. I didn’t chase after him.

Instead I fixated on another of our group, through the crowd, looking like he had gotten lucky. He was chatting someone up.I moved to see who, but still couldn’t see her. I moved round the group. There is a few columns in the lower part of the club, one of which was blocking my view of my mates apparent pull.

I walked up subtly, and I began to laugh. I mean laugh, like never before. There was no girl. There was no-one. At least to me.

To him there was someone. I don’t know who, but someone. He was in deep conversation with this person, someone I clearly couldn’t see. I moved back into he crowd. I looked up to the centre of the balcony. It was busy, a tight squeeze at the front. I seen a few people looking down at their sides and moving out of the way. Then a head popped through, about waste height. It was my other mate, the one caught up in a game of Tig/Hide and Seek.

Then, suddenly i felt tired, my legs slowed and everything slowed down. Its like that moment in a club where time reaches just before closing, and you can see those who have sobered up and are ready for home. One of the lads came over to me and advised it was time to go. I asked why “were only here and hour or two”. He looked at me and dropped a smile. Make that six, nearly seven.

Nearly Seven hours had passed since we walked into space that night. I swear seven hours were eaten into two. I couldn’t believe it. We headed for the bus back into San Antonio.

We were back, lying on the beach near “the egg”. One of the boys popped up, “look ! over there .. The Smurfs ! ”

I turned slowly clearly assuming another joke or at most a hallucination. But there they were. five or six blue Smurfs walking along the waterside. Hold on.. they were real. Just a few lads dressed up. That sobered us completely. We headed home.

Thats only a small version of the story of that night. But talk about a surreal experience, however artificial, that was one I will always remember.

Whether you agree with our choices that night ( and many after ), I cannot regret the wonderful memories that resulted. Thats what life is all about.

Blo88er

Six hours had past

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Undo

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In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Undo.”

If I could take a trip back in time, straight to the moment something was invented, and stop the person who was creating it, and ensure that it was never completed, I know what I would choose.

It makes me feel ill, even when I look at it. Some enjoy it, and will not understand the reasons I have for totally and utterly detesting it.

Its smell makes my stomach turn, and I get that feeling in my through and gut, that If I don’t take a step way, I may just vomit.

I don’t know who invented it, or what they were thinking. But coleslaw is the thing i would choose.

What a horrific invention indeed.

Blo88er

Recent Watch – “The Interview”

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Its one of the most controversial movies of all time, certainly in more recent years. So far that North Korea requested the movie be cancelled and never released, in a much less polite manner, I may add. I decided that I had to see what all the fuss is about, having seen a few “Rogen and Franco flicks”, I know these can be somewhat outrageous,.. yes “This is the End” i’m talking about you.

I initially felt robbed, the way the movie introduced the North Korean leader caught me by surprise, and he was depicted as a man just hugely misunderstood. I wondered what all of the fuss was about.. It didn’t last. He soon became the eccentric and power hungry leader that we see in the news, and I can see why he was slightly pissed about the way the film portrayed him, as well as the way in which they killed him off.

The film has some good laughs and Franco plays a slightly self obsessed, and eccentric chat show host, which  delivers some of the most memorable lines from the movie.

I didn’t laugh just as hard as I expected though, which was the feeling shared by the company I was in. However, about a week later, the movie came up in conversation, and we started to rhyme off some of the lines from the movie, which did lead to much laughter and more discussion.

This is the kind of film it is, one of the movies you watch, you enjoy, but you feel guilty and not enjoying s much as you felt you should have. This is solely down to the hype of others who viewed it before you, and the huge influence the media has had over its release.

Nevertheless, I do think back to it now, and can appreciate some of the classic lines that the movie delivered. Its worth it for that.

For me the film is far from the level of Superbad and the first time I watched The Hangover, but it does have a few of those lines that just get you every time.

Blo88er

Best Comedy Characters Of All Time

GENIE – ALADDIN

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Everyones favourite character from the aladdin films. He makes the kids laugh but loves to throw in a discreet laugh for the adults. Voiced by the late, great Robin Williams, one of the best Disney creations of all time.

THE MINIONS – DESPICABLE ME

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One of the main attractions to the hit films, the minions are simply comedy genius. Hundreds of little yellow henchman whose sole purpose is to assist the worlds most ambitious villains. Rumoured to have served under T-rex, Genghis Khan and Dracula, these little mischievous lot will soon have their own motion picture, which will no doubt be a hit.

OLAF – FROZEN

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Although slightly underused in the movie, Olaf provides all of the laughs in the movie. With lines such as “Hey, Sven? Not sure if this is gonna solve the problem, but I found a staircase that leads exactly where you want it to go.” You have to listen carefully to catch some of his lines, however many look forward to his return in the rumoured short film sequel.

ERIC CARTMAN – SOUTH PARK

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Rude, offensive and sometimes borderline illegal, Cartman pushes the boundaries of television humour as far as they can go. Sometimes you just can’t help yourself from letting out a laugh.

ROSS AND CHANDLER – FRIENDS

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The most common asked TV related question of the 90s, “who is your favourite friends character?”. Impossible to pick just one, both ross and chandler are the comedy genius behind much of the show, chandlers quick wit sarcasm and Ross’s little temper tantrums never fail to get you hooked on episodes you have watch many many times.

OFFICER CRABTREE – ‘ALLO ‘ALLO

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“Good Moaning” one of the most popular and simple lines of its time. Officer Crabtree would have just played a normal part if it wasn’t for the deliberate poor attempt at the french accent. Arthur Borstrom portrayed the character perfectly and it becomes difficult to look at him without smirking.

LANCE CORPORAL JONES – DADS ARMY

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One of my favourites of all time, Jones is the over enthusiastic, a little too old but very dedicated member of the platoon. His tales of the Sudan and reference to the enemies they faced there not “liking it up them” gets me every time. Just comedy gold.

ALAN – THE HANGOVER

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Just look at the picture above, and think of all of the outstanding lines this character delivered.

SHELDON COOPER – THE BIG BANG THEORY

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“Bazinga” – The extremely intelligent, but socially useless physicist constantly patronises and fails to understand sarcasm. We all know someone just like Shelly.

GONZO AND RIZZO – THE MUPPETS

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The two best buds that always find themselves in trouble. They always provide laughter in-between the meaningful topics raised in the muppets. Often a good duo when it comes to the sing songs.

TIMONE AND PUMBA – THE LION KING

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Hakuna Matata – The slug eating pair guide Simba on his journey and guide the viewer through their own version of events in The lion King 3, a clever and hilarious sequel from Disney. I wish they would do this on more movies.